Grandpa humour

Jonny's grandad gives him a new bicycle for his birthday. "This is a very special, highly advanced bicycle. It can do things no other bike can do. But you must take it out for a ride at least every 7 days, or it will injure you", says his granddad.

Jonny puts the bicycle in his shed and forgets about it for a week. Then one day, Jonny goes to the shed to take the bike out for a ride. But as he's about to pick it up, the bike jumps on Jonny and beats him up.

"Why did you do that?" Jonny asks the bicycle.

"Because you haven't taken me out to ride in 7 days" it replies.

"But that's why i'm here, to take you for a ride"

So Jonny goes to pick up the bike, and again it jumps on him and beats him up.

"What the hell?" says Jonny, "Why'd you beat me up again?"

"Because you haven't taken me out to ride in 7 days" replies the bicycle.

"But that's what I'm about to do - take you out for a ride," says Jonny.

So again, Jonny goes to pick up the bike, and again, the bike jumps on him and beats him up.

"What the hell man, why'd you keep doing that?" asks Jonny.

"Because you haven't taken me out to ride in 7 days", replies the bike.

....It's a vicious cycle.


A grandad remembers the good old days

When I was a boy, my mom would send me down to the corner store with $1 and I'd come back with 2 bags of potatoes, 2 loaves of bread, 3 bottles of milk, a large chunk of cheese and 6 eggs.

You can't do that nowadays.

....Too many fucking security cameras.

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