valentines day at post officeA woman walks into a post office and notices a middle-aged, well-dressed man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. As he seals each envelop he sprays it with a puff of perfume.

TeamworkWhen I die, I want to go peacefully like my grandfather did–in his sleep. Not yelling and screaming like the passengers in his car.

postmanOne Monday morning the postman is walking through the neighbourhood on his usual route, delivering the mail. As he approaches one of the homes he noticed that both cars were still in the driveway.

doctor humourA doctor says to his patient, “I have bad news and worse news”.

humoursAs Air Force One arrives at the Heathrow Airport , President Obama strides to a warm and dignified reception from the Queen.

in courtThese are actually things which people actually said in court, word for word.

keep quietOn their wedding night, the young bride approached her new husband and asked for $20.00 for their first lovemaking encounter.

lone ranger and tontoThe Lone Ranger and Tonto went camping in the desert. After they got their tent all set up, both men fell sound asleep.

hospital jokesA few stories from hospital doctors and staff:  A man dashes into the A&E dept. and yells . . . 'My wife's going to have her baby in the taxi'.

creepy roadThis happened a while ago in Dublin , and even though it sounds like an Alfred Hitchcock story, it's true.

catholic race horseA punter (gambler) was at the horse races playing the ponies and all but losing his shirt. He noticed a Priest step out onto the track and blessed the forehead of one of the horses lining up for the 4th race.

ring on handA balding, white haired man from Florida walked into a jewelry store this past Friday evening with a beautiful, much younger woman at his side.

men are deep thinkersI mowed the lawn today, and after doing so I sat down and had a cold beer.The day was really quite beautiful, and the drink facilitated some deep thinking on various topics.

online orderOperator : "Thank you for calling Pizza Hut . May I have your..."
Customer: "Heloo, can I order.."

moose huntingTwo Irishmen, Paddy and Mick, got a pilot to fly them to Canada to hunt Moose. They managed to bag six Moose. But as they were loading the plane, the pilot said he could carry only four Moose.

laughLadies, if a man says he will fix something, he will. There is no need to bother him every six months about it!

who am i testThis free test is based on Carl Jung’s and Isabel Briggs Myers’ typological approach to personality. Upon completion of the questionnaire, you will: Obtain your 4-letter type formula along with the strengths of preferences and the description of your personality type, Discover careers and occupations most suitable for your personality,See which famous personalities share your type, Access free career development resources and learn about premium ones, Be able to use the results of this test as an input into the Jung Marriage Test™ and the Demo of the Marriage Test™, to assess your compatibility with your long-term romantic partner.
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new humourA couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and ... inform the other if there is sex after death. Their biggest fear was that there was no after life at all.

churchMurphy showed up at Mass one Sunday, and the priest almost fell down when he saw him.

easy eddie and al caponeA really great story about men who made huge sacrifices for others and how these sacrifices made the world a better place for everyone else.

silly signHere is an actual sign posted at a golf club in Scotland UK:

humoursMust be difficult keeping a straight face as a court reporter. We have seen these before, but there are one or two new ones and the rest well worth another read!

Quotable quotesWhen the white missionaries came to Africa they had the Bible and we had the land.

Woman shoppingA woman was in town on a shopping trip. She began her day finding the most perfect shoes in the first shop and a beautiful dress on sale in the second.

BrainAlzheimer's Eye Test (I love this part.. Its absolutely amazing!) - Count every "F" in the following text:

farewell dinnerA Priest was being honoured at his retirement dinner after 25 years in the parish. A leading local politician and member of the congregation was chosen to make the presentation and to give a little speech at the dinner.

Woman shoppingA couple was Christmas shopping at the mall on Christmas Eve and the mall was packed. As the wife walked through the mall she was surprised to look up and see her husband was nowhere around.

Two friends, Betty and Wanda end up in heaven and are having a catch-up chat...
Boss on the phoneThe boss wondered why one of his most valued employees was absent but had not phoned in sick one day.

An Italian man was leaving a convenience store with his espresso when he noticed a most unusual Italian funeral procession approaching the nearbycemetery.

Nurse_with_thermometerThe more you think about this one, the funnier it gets. Short & sweet!  A very tired nurse walks into a bank, totally exhausted after an 18-hour shift. 

Traffic wardenAs the coffin was being lowered into the ground at a Traffic Warden's funeral a voice from inside shouts...

HumourA doctor in Dublin wanted to get off work and go fishing, so he approached his assistant "Murphy, I am going fishing tomorrow and don't want to close the clinic. I want you to take care of the clinic and take care of all me patients."

After 35 years of marriage, a husband and wife came for counselling. When asked what the problem was, the wife went into a tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the years they had been married. 

Remos at the gallowsJudy Rudd an amateur genealogy researcher in south east Queensland, was doing some personal work on her own family tree. She discovered that ex-Prime Minister Kevin Rudd’s great-great uncle, Remus Rudd, was hanged for horse stealing and train robbery in Melbourne in 1889. Both Judy and Kevin Rudd share this common ancestor. 

Bessie and seamusAn Irish farmer named Seamus had an accident with a lorry, and was suing the lorry company, in court their hot-shot solicitor was questioning Seamus..

Man at barThere  I was sitting at the bar staring at my drink when a large, trouble-making fellow steps up next to me, grabs my drink and gulps it down in one swig.

wife not happyThe Unreasonable Mother-in-law
One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift.

polish weddingA Polish man moved to Australia and married an Aussie girl.. Although his English was far from perfect, they got along very well.

minivan in snowJack decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob. So they loaded up Jack's minivan and headed north. 

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