A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young student nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath.
An average looking man walks into a bar and a beautiful woman approaches him the woman asks the man, "How would you like to get out of here?" and the man is stunned.
Two physicians boarded a flight out of Seattle. One sat in the window seat, the other sat in the middle seat. Just before takeoff, an attorney got on and took the aisle seat next to the two physicians.
Jack goes to his buddy Bob and says ... "I'm sleeping with the Priest's wife. Can you hold him in church for an hour after mass for me?"
A young Naval Officer was in a terrible car accident, but due to the heroics of the hospital staff the only permanent injury was the loss of one ear. Since he wasn’t physically impaired he remained in the military and eventually became an Admiral.
John visited his 90-year-old grandpa who lived way out in the country. On the first morning of the visit, John's grandpa prepared a breakfast of bacon and eggs.
There were three POWs together in a British prison in the Second World War, a German, a Japanese, and an Italian.
Once upon a time there was a king who wanted to go fishing. He called the royal weather forecaster and inquired about the weather forecast for the next few hours.
Guy : Doctor, my Girlfriend is pregnant but we always use protection and the rubber never broke. How is it possible?
This poor fella has been trying to do the charitable thing for years....and now...
An elderly spinster called the lawyer's office and told the receptionist she wanted to see the lawyer about having a will prepared. The receptionist suggested they set up an appointment for a convenient time for the spinster to come into the office.
This is the true story of George Phillips of Meridian, Mississippi, who was going to bed when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the shed.
Is it not strange that technology always knows your circumstances and works against you when you most need it!
A 29 year old German man Demetrius Soupolos is suing his neighbour 34 year old Frank Maus for breach of contract after the latter failed to impregnate his wife in 72 different attempts to do so.
The video is a classic, but I like the debate in the comment section, where people get a little defensive of their age groups.
A recent discovery at a dig site has archaeologists a little hesitant to report what they found ;-)
The only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon "quickie" with their 8 year-old son in the flat, was to send him out on the balcony with a Mars Bar and tell him to report on all the street activities.
A young jackaroo from outback Queensland goes off to university, but halfway through the semester he has squandered all of his money. He calls home.
School students are taught that lying is a sin. However, instructions also advised that using a bit of imagination was OK to express the truth differently without lying. Below is a perfect example of those teachings:
My New Year's resolution is to help all my friends gain ten pounds so I look skinnier.
Thomas is 36 years old and he is still single. One day a friend asked, "Why aren't you married? Can't you find a woman who will be a good wife?"
We all rely heavily on MS Windows to do our daily tasks, but often things don't go according to plan and most of these scenarios we can all relate to with a little smile...
John asks his wife, Mary, what she wants to celebrate their 40th wedding anniversary.
Technology always promises to improve things, but sometimes things go pear-shapped and take a turn for the worse, enjoy these images I found on Pinterest...
A crusty old Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event, hosted by a local liberal arts college. There was no shortage of extremely young, idealistic ladies in attendance, one of whom approached the Sergeant Major for conversation.
Ever since I was a child, I’ve always had a fear of someone under my bed at night. So I went to a Psychiatrist and told him I’ve got problems.
A judge was interviewing a woman regarding her pending divorce, and asked, "What are the grounds for your divorce?"
A guy stuck his head into a barbershop and asked, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looked around the shop full of customers and said, "About 2 hours." The guy left.
A store that sells husbands has just opened, where a woman may go to choose a husband.
A very elderly couple is having an elegant dinner to celebrate their 75th wedding anniversary.
An old geezer, who had been a retired farmer for a long time became very bored and decided to open a medical clinic.
One day at the end of class, little Johnny's teacher asks the class to go home and think of a story to be concluded with the moral of that story. The following day the teacher asks for the first volunteer to tell their story.
Something to lighten your day...
The great thing about us South Africans, is that we can laugh at ourselves, or maybe the case on the weekend is that we really want to continue the punishment of the management and players a little longer - what a shocker, 57-0 lesson delivered by the All Blacks. Here are a few images taken from Twitter in the last 3 days.
A family was visiting the Kalahari when they came across an old Bushman laying face down in the middle of the road with his ear pressed firmly against the tar.
A Spanish Teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine. “House” for instance, is feminine: “la casa.” “Pencil,” however, is masculine: “el lapiz.”
A school for girls was faced with a unique problem. A number of girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom. That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirrors leaving dozens of little lip prints.
A Mafia Godfather, accompanied by his attorney, walks into a room to meet with his former accountant. The Godfather asks the accountant, "Where is the 3 million bucks you embezzled from me?" The accountant does not answer.
Once, there was a preacher who was an avid golfer. Every chance he could get, he would be on the golf course swinging away. It was an obsession.
A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he's drinking, the monkey jumps all around the place.