New year 2018

My New Year's resolution is to help all my friends gain ten pounds so I look skinnier.


To kick start my New Year: I took an IQ test and the results were negative.

May all your troubles last as long as your New Years resolutions?

My resolution was to read more so I put the subtitles on my tv.

My wife still hasn't told me what my New Year's resolutions are.

I was going to quit all my bad habits for the new year, but then I remembered that nobody likes a quitter.

People think New Years is a life-changing event. If your life sucked last year, it's probably still going to suck tomorrow.

A New Year's resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other.

It's officially New Year's Eve, you only have a couple of hours to do all the things you will resolve not to do in the new year.

My New Years resolution is 1080p.

New Year's Day: Now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions. Next week you can begin paving hell with them as usual.

My New Year's resolution is to be more optimistic by keeping my cup half-full with either rum, vodka, or whiskey.

Q: What does it mean if you were born in September? A: That your parents started the new year with a bang!

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