Piet Dlamini

Have you ever heard of Piet Dhlamini? Do you remember him?

Well, back in 2010, Piet Dhlamini was the first ever black AWB supporter. Insane, don’t you think? Yes? Can you even believe it? Definitely not – I mean a black guy who wants to belong to the AWB. That’s kind of like me – as a Jew – supporting the Nazi party.

The Sunday Times, back in 2010, ran an article about Piet Dhlamini, with a picture of him clutching the AWB flag and wearing the AWB safari-suit uniform.

Now, Piet Dhlamini originally hailed from KZN where he worked as a gardener, and ever since he was a very young lad, he was completely fascinated by the Afrikaans language. And so, he decided to learn it and, by the time he was in High School, he was just brilliant at it.

And then – when Piet Dhlamini saw Eugene Terreblanche coming down the road on that black steed, cantering and galloping, holding the swastika looking AWB flag, with that steely look that not even Jani Allan could resist, a single-minded determination, Piet Dhlamini knew this bloke was his true hero – Eugene Terreblanche was in fact Piet Dhlamini’s absent-father figure.

So Piet Dhlamini, not satisfied with watching Eugene Terreblanche from a distance, decided it was time to take the next step, and this was to start attending AWB political meetings.

Unfortunately for Piet Dhlamini, he never got further than the AWB death-camp looking bouncer. And so, Piet Dhlamini could only stand outside and hear the loud booming voice of Eugene Terreblanche bang on about “swart gevaar”.

Yet Piet Dhlamini had relentlessness in his veins and, because he hung around the AWB rallies so often, he finally got to meet Eugene Terreblanche one lucky day, when Eugene Terreblanche exited a rally, was not paying attention, and had his guard down.

Fearlessly, insanely, like a man on a mission of self-destruction, Piet Dhlamini ‘sommer’ went up to Eugene Terreblanche and said:

“Haai Ewe gene. Maai nem ees Piet Dhlamini. I waant to bee a memba of the AWB. Ek praat Afri Kaans.”

Eugene said:

“You verrry funny. You verrry funny. You make me laaf. Verrry funny guy. But listen. We down’t hef en nee jobs here forr garrden bouys. Nou voertsek”.

But Piet Dhlamini just couldn’t or wouldn’t give up. It was his lifelong quest, the only thing in his venus-flytrap existence which had any meaning to him – and this was to become an AWB member.

Back in his own house, Piet Dhlamini was very busy – he had decorated the walls with large framed photographs of all the original Broederbond members: PW Botha, Vorster, Hendrik Verwoerd. And when Piet Dhlamini’s wife – a very dignified, educated and most patient lady – gave birth to their little boy, Piet Dhlamini decided he wanted to name the child “Terreblanche”. But Piet Dhlamini’s old lady drew the line and said:

“Piet, why don’t you name our son a nice struggle name – like ‘Jacob’?”

“Noo. Jay cob” said Piet Dhlamini, “hees e bleck rascist. He hets the Booh ra. No Jay cob.”

“Ok Piet, then how about Julius?” said Mrs Dhlamini.

“Noo. Julee oos. Beega bleck race cyst. He waants to keel the Booh ra. Noo Julee oos”.

And then all of a sudden Mrs Dhlamini said:

“Look, look Piet, come quickly – there’s Bafana Bafana on TV and they’re just about to sing the National Anthem, let’s sing: ‘Nkosi Sikelel’ iAfrika…’”

But Piet Dhlamini was having none of it and said:

“Haai fokof. Let’s seeng the real one (putting his hand in the Sig Heil Nazi salute): ‘Uit die blou van ons se hemel…’”.

“You know what Piet?” Mrs Dhlamini said, “what is it with you and this Eugene guy? You know he hates black people, he almost killed a black security guard. He even went to prison”.

“Mey bee thees bleck se cure eet tee gud” said Piet Dhlamini, “Mey bee he waas eh bleck race cyst. Mey bee he dez erved eet?”

The ever-patient-long-suffering Mrs Dhlamini just could not take anymore.

“You know what Piet – it’s just not gonna work with this Eugene guy. You’re a black man, Piet. Do you understand that?  You cannot be in the AWB.  They did not even want to sell you the AWB uniform.”

“Haai you bleck mense” said Piet Dhlamini, “you all the sem. Ewe gene was right”. 

Contributed by:
Barry Varkel, an attorney of the High Court of South Africa and Solicitor of the Supreme Court of England and Wales.
Author of Nigiri Law and Goy Vey

8 COMMENTS

  1. Firstly I thought this article was about Piet Koornhof. I thought, man, this Dutchman looks like he overtanned at his coloured mistress home on Giempie Street.

    Secondly, as the first black white supremacist, Piet Swart should remember how Terreblanche tried to bunny his pap n sous hol then didn’t oay him.

    All he got was a pass to nu metro in Parow and bag of mebos.

  2. Mr “Carmel” thanks you for your kind words, Mr Jugdeesh. Did you know Carmel gherkins come from the holy land. I’ll definitely look into whether they have a cumin version, and come back to you. Perhaps a potential import/export opportunity with zero paperwork…? They will go lekka with bunny chow and your naught.

  3. Zak Palestein – what sort of a name is that? A Mr Confused one I’d say.
    Thank you for your hilarious commentary. It was simply brilliant.
    Your first comment was five stars, but the second one was only four stars.
    I’m happy you quit while you were ahead, or the moderator closed you out.
    Zak Palestein lives!!

  4. Mr Woznica – you are a clear voice of sanity amongst the deranged readers of this “humour” column.
    Malcolm must regret the day he asked me to pen the bollocks I submit to him for publication.
    I am pleased though he is opening the sicko minds of his readers, although he must understand I hold no liability insurance for any damages claims for poor judgment on his part.
    Have a nice Tuesday, Sir, and I do agree we should not take ourselves too seriously in our much-hurting land of beauty, talent and wonderful diversity.
    Best regards
    Barry : ))

  5. What kine name is Zak Palestein?

    Well at least I won the Jews and Arabs attention.

    Now both hate me.

    Listen, Ill take my Robert Leslie Pap n sous currymunching Samoosa brain and stick it in a bunny chow from Beijing anyday.

    At least my children will work at the iphone factory.

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