You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said ‘Parking Fine’. – Tommy Cooper
I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio. – Joan Rivers
See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time. – Robin Williams
The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again. – Erma Bombeck
Anybody who thinks talk is cheap should get some legal advice. – Franklin P. Jones
If you want to call a family meeting, turn of the WiFi router and wait in the room where it is located. – Unknown
I will slap you so hard, even Google will not be able to find you. – Unknown
