Two guys sitting at a bar, one well-dressed, the other with a patch on his eye, a hook for a hand, and a wooden leg. The well-dressed guy says “I heard you talking to the barkeeper and the voice sounds familiar. Do we know each other?” The second guy says “Yes, you and I were at Wits together. You sat two rows ahead of me in Dr Baldwin’s Plant Taxonomy class. It looks like you did right well for yourself afterwards.”
“Yes,” said #1, “I have a ‘wealth management’ company, doing well. But what happened to you?”
“Well you know I never was one to do things slowly. I answered an ad in the paper for a pirate. Pay was good, pre-paid vacation in the South Seas Islands…I had to do it.”
“Well it doesn’t look like you got what you’d hoped for. Why the wooden leg?”
I was a new man on deck as we came into port and I didn’t know what “Anchors aweigh“ meant. Next thing I know my leg’s tangled in chain link going into the hold via the rotating winch.
“Ow!”
Yip, I was lucky there was a surgeon aboard so he have me a bottle of whisky which I drank and when I woke up the mangled leg was gone, sutures were good on the stump and this wooden leg was fitted.
How about the hook where your hand used to be?
I was headed up the steps, pushed open the hatch just as several crew came running, jumped on it and severed my hand. Fortunately the surgeon was still there and he did the same thing with my hand that he’d done with the leg.
Well, that’s really lucky! But why the cover for your eye?
I was soooooo careful! I held onto the ladder, eased up the hatch, looked around and the deck was empty. I raised the hatch just as a gull flew by and crapped in my eye.
Wow! I didn’t know gull poop could damage an eye like that!
It can’t really. It was my first day with the hook.
