The Mr. Right Rejection Letter Template

Dear (“___rejectee’s name here___”),

I regret to inform you that you are no longer in the running to be my “Mr. Right”.

As you may well know, the competition was fierce, and many stellar candidates such as yourself have also fallen short of the final cut. Nonetheless, I’ll keep your name on record in case a vacancy arises in the future.

To assist you in finding better luck in your romantic pursuits, here are the reasons you didn’t make the grade:

[Check all those that apply]

• Your breasts are bigger than mine.
• Your surname is simply unworkable. I cannot fathom taking it on, hyphenating it, or subjecting my future kids to the horror of it.
• The fact that our fanciest date so far took place at a Spur makes me question your ability to splurge on more than a steak and eggs special.
• Your casual confession that you ‘buy condoms by the bakkie-load’ suggests your priorities lie elsewhere, and not with my sparkling personality.
• You flunked the 20 Questions Rule; I asked you 20 questions about yourself before you thought to ask me one.
• Your legs are skinnier than mine. If you can FIT into my pants,then you can’t GET into my pants.
• Your ‘Putting on a little weight, hey?’ remark, paired with the rugby-ball size of your own boep, was wildly inappropriate.
• You failed the credit bureau check.
• Your inability to even jump-start my car made me question your practical skills.
• The fact that your flat has been declared unliveable signals an alarming level of sloppiness that I doubt can be fixed.
• The words “My Mom” come up far too often in conversation for my liking.
• You mention your ex-wife’s name more often than mine.
• Your gift of a 50g slab of Beacon chocolate with peanuts showed flair.
• And lastly, three simple words: Size does matter.

Sincerely,

[“Your name here”]