Tommy Cooper

Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.
They charged one and let the other one off.

A man walked into the doctor’s, and said “I’ve hurt my arm in several places”.
The doctor said: “well, don’t go there anymore”.

I said to the waiter: “Forget the chicken, give me a lobster”, and he brought me this lobster.
I said: “just a minute, he’s only got one claw”.
He said: “Well, he’s been in a fight.”
I said: “Well then – give me the winner.”

I backed a horse last week at ten to one.
It came in at quarter past four.

Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with hundreds and thousands.
Police are saying he topped himself.

Deja Moo:
The feeling you’ve heard this bullshit before.

Contributed by:
Barry Varkel, an attorney of the High Court of South Africa and Solicitor of the Supreme Court of England and Wales.
Author of Nigiri Law and Goy Vey


  1. For anyone who did not know, Tommy Cooper died on stage, during his last stand-up performance show.

    There truly could be no better way for a REAL comedian to go – on to the big show in the blue sky yonder.


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