Crypto black hole

Back in May 2021, after succeeding in a High Court case from hell, and making some extra unexpected bucks, I decided to call it a day on the litigation hamster wheel in the early afternoon, hit my bottle of Jameson, strip down to my boxer shorts, go upstairs and turn on the surround sound HI-FI system and flip the switch on my favourite genre – TRANCE.

I closed my eyes, feeling the bassline bolt of dark energy enter my ten fingertips and then soar along the tops of my hands, over my forearms and exploding outwards, surrounding my elbows in a force-field, becoming thicker, more viscous and hotter as it engulfed my upper arms flowing up and round my shoulders, then up the sides and back of my neck, me feeling the hairs there stand on end, a million steel pinpoints emerging from inside my flesh like spring morning flowers only to be greeted by dark energy as it entered the pleasure centre of my brain and exploded into a ten billion neurone synaptic bomb – at the very moment the high treble notes of the synthesiser and bass drum beat merged into one – I rode the inside tube of this gargantuan soundwave watching it cascading over me with a force that would snap me into trillions of single atoms should I lose my footing, me coming over the top with such force and momentum it took me a second or two before I hit terminal velocity, and then I was falling down through the air, opening my eyes as I landed hard on the concrete floor, only to see an imaginary large crowd of clients and judges and colleagues had formed around me and – right then and there – standing in the second row staring nonplussed at me were my nemeses:

Bitcoin, Ethereum and Central Bank Digital Currency.

The Jameson effect wore off immediately like being slapped hard during a weird and misplaced verbal exchange with your wife right in the middle of lovemaking. I knew I had to do something.

I ran downstairs, still with the Jameson bottle in hand, fired up the Dell laptop…“come on you bastid”…and signed up with the Luno website with minimal supply of know-your-client documentation – and boom – I was now in the cryptocurrency black hole, trying to contain myself in the tidal forces and stay well outside the event horizon, where I knew if I crossed over, my mind would be spaghettified, and I would sell every single asset I had and head straight for the cryptocurrency singularity, hoping to survive the wormhole trip and the cosmic storm on the other side as I landed up in the shoulder of Orion. 

I put on a pair of shorts and cooled my mind down. I plugged in twenty five thousand ZAR: R 15,000-00 into Bitcoin and R 10,000-00 into Etherium. Boom!!!

I put on a T-shirt and put the Jameson bottle down, realising I had just bought into the Bitcoin and Ethereum casino. I convinced myself I’d done it as a test; so, like gambling at Vegas back in 2006, I must be prepared to lose the lot.

Crypto then crashed not so long thereafter. Every odd day, I went onto the Luno phone app, and it was worth less and less. R 25K became R 15K, then R 10K then R 8K. Arrrgghhh bugger it – what a lot of rubbish. What a scam.

And then, right now, a development happened which shone the cold light of day on the big players in money manipulation in this world of ours – the Silicon Valley Bank in California, USA went tits up. An apparent innocuous event….yet, was it to be 2008 contagion all over again, where sub-prime sent Lehman Brothers over the edge and Wall Street had to bail out all the major banks who allegedly had huge subprime toxic assets on their books; where the Bank of England forbade Sir Richard Branson from taking his billions of Pound Sterling out of The Halifax.

And then another weird development happened, and I was stone cold sober – my crypto cesspit portfolio suddenly went from R 8K to R 14.5K overnight.

In truth, cryptocurrency is the money equivalent of alternative media – a cult in itself and anti-establishment. But there’s a punchline in the recent banking system almost and still can happen contagion.

Enter stage left – Central Bank Digital Currency aka CBDC.  

The blokes at the top of the money game are playing with the weak and silly to make them believe CBDC is just another form of crypto – and how cool now Government endorsed crypto – YAY!  

However, CBDC is not crypto. No Siree, it’s a George Orwell 1984 world of ultimate control from hell. The word they leave out of CBDC is “programmable”. Here every country’s money authority will be able to control how you spend your money. “oh you didn’t get your booster shot, sorry mate, no food purchases for you this week”; “oh you still drive a fossil fuel guzzling vehicle, sorry mate, stay at home, lockdown level five for you until you sell it”; “oh you support that International Criminal Court indicted fiend Bad Vlad, perhaps we’ll suspend your LPC Fidelity Fund certificate for being an unfit person for practice”.

You start seeing a certain personality type here – those who honestly believe in someone who’ll be holding the light at the end of the tunnel. That someone is not your Government. Like all the alternative media followers, who believe that the covid vaccine is going to depopulate the world and all the corrupt big boys at Pfizer, Moderna and AstraZeneca are going to be on the inside very shortly.

You gotta be bonkers to think all this, as you do to believe what they’re soon going to tell you that “CBDC is the next covid vaccine equivalent solution to the impending world financial contagion”.

Do not go gently into that good night.

Contributed by:
Barry Varkel, an attorney of the High Court of South Africa and Solicitor of the Supreme Court of England and Wales.
Author of Nigiri Law and Goy Vey


  1. Are you sure that the only thing that put you on such a high was the TRANCE music and Jameson, and no other substances? I wonder!

    Some of the best music has been written while under the influence of some substance or other but I can’t same the same when investing money.


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